I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you...

liga celc0m 2005/2006.

finals. upm vs uitm shah alam.

klaka2. 0ur 1st g0al sgt-lah 'hensem'; g0al yg di-sumbang-kan sendiri 0leh player uitm. kuikuikui. aper da.. b0la dah selamat dah, skali punye lah hebat die gi tendang masuk. aper yg engkau cuba bukti-kan??? agak b0d0 ar. hihi, s0rry.

hurm.. upm kalah 1-2.

da lame tak tgk b0la kat stadium, besh giler! eheh.. stadium uitm jer pun. but still.

ice-cream day.

but i had ice-cream replaced with extreme latte *my 2nd frappe was yatie's treat* :)
th0ugh i'm pretty sure she felt like hitting me when i said she had 2 ch0ices-

1) buy me the super-c00l R0XY watch i'd s00000 c0veted (rm 450.90); 0r
2) buy me a frappe (rm 14.95)

s0, i hadn't really given her a ch0ice actually kan? nvm, life itself 0ffers difficult ch0ices all the time. i was just helping y0u get used t0 it. aku tahu k0 syg aku, all the same, i was ur untrained-n-definitely-unpaid pers0nal sh0pper, after all kan? ;)

t0day was quite a nightmare; first the equipment design test in the m0rning. i 0nly slept +/- 2 hrs last nite, "last-minute"-studying f0r the test. after the test, yatie dragged me t0 statistics class which i'd intended t0 skip. i sat thr0ugh the class yawning and chatting with her. *there's m0re t0 the stat class, but i think i'll just leave it at that :p* heh. i went back t0 c0llege straight after that, skipped my 0pti0n class. yati went t0 her 0pti0n class. 0r at least i th0ught she did, except that she didn't. her class was cancelled 0r s0mething.

we went 0ut at 12; me, anna, yatie & yatie (yes, i'm surr0unded with pe0ple with the same name which is quite funny s0metimes; yatie EE, yati adik dennis, anna EE, anna CHEM, etc)
we went t0 Midvalley. i was reluctant t0 g0 at 1st; i was s0000 sleepy and tired, i yawned all the way t0 midval. n0 0ne did the talking, we were s0 quiet that anna wh0 was driving th0ught we'd all fallen asleep. i wasn't really happy, was in n0 m00d t0 g0 0ut. i f0und myself wishing that i was in bed, reading a b00k. but i'd pr0mised yatie t0 teman her sh0pping.

at the end 0f the day, (and i really mean end, c0z we g0t back t0 c0llege slightly after midnite!!) my feet were killing me and i was really exhausted, i c0uldnt even speak (but managed t0 eat up the chicken fr0m the bbq party t0nite f0r futsal players; which we missed but they were kind en0ugh t0 leave us s0me f00d :D) i b0ught a birthday present f0r a friend. it was yatie wh0 did all the sh0pping. 0n the way back, i asked her h0w many cal0ries did she think i'd burnt? 12 hrs 0f sh0pping! ir0nically, 0nly this aftern00n i t0ld her that i needed t0 put 0n s0me weight, heh.

zzzZzzzzzzZzzZZzzzZZzzzZZZZzzz

".. the m0re y0u l0ve, the deeper it hurts.." -D0l0res Price, "She's C0me Und0ne" by Wally Lamb

nice b00k, full 0f less0ns. i'd wanted t0 buy his 1st b00k "i kn0w this much is true" which i saw at kin0kuniya ar0und 2 years ag0(!!), but kept f0rgetting. heh. t0 be h0nest, the real reas0n i hadn't b0ught it because the b0ok has the b0ring l00k t0 it; the st0ry rev0lves around w0rld war 2 and.. well, i've never really been f0nd 0f b00ks with 80's (and backward) settings c0z i simply can't relate.

am reading "needful things" by my fav0rite auth0r, stephen king.

"what y0u l0ve, y0u must l0ve all the harder, c0z s0meday it'll be g0ne.." - Jack Sawyer, "Black H0use" by Stephen King & Peter Straub :)

but if y0u knew it'd be g0ne, why b0ther l0vin it in the first place? isn't it a waste 0f time? y0u're g0nna l0se it eventually; n0 matter wut, s0 wut's the p0int? isn't it better t0 detach y0urself bef0re it's taken away fr0m y0u? bef0re y0u get hurt? isn't it g00d t0 pr0tect y0urself?

"the thing is, we l0ve it anyway, because there's n0thing else we can d0." - N0ra McKenzie, "N0ra, N0ra" by Anne Rivers Sidd0n

it's funny h0w i came acr0ss a questi0n in a b00k and kept p0ndering it 0ver, and finally figured 0ut the answer in s0me 0ther b00k, after s0me time.

it's n0t right.

but it's n0t wr0ng, either.

:)