h0w d0 i start this entry, really? there's s0 many th0ughts racing thr0ugh my mind as 0f n0w, but s0metimes even w0rds can't describe things. several excruciating events have taken their h0n0rable place in my life recently. it has always left me w0ndering; h0w 0ne s0le day c0nsisting 0nly 0f 24 h0urs can see t0 it that s0 many things happen, and the many changes it brings. and h0w it always succeeds at keeping us riding 0n the balanced wave 0f j0y and sadness; as an0ther day g0es by.

anyways. the thing that happened last Friday was 0ne 0f the saddest in my life, yet funny h0w it still c0uldn't bring tears t0 my eyes. n0t sad en0ugh, i think =) but it'll always be a reminder t0 me, f0r the rest 0f my life. t0 'Aliaa, =) instead 0f s0bbing y0ur heart 0ut, i guess the m0st appr0priate thing t0 d0 is t0 c0ngratulate y0urself. we've been thr0ugh a l0t, and apparently a l0t is still inadequate t0 really teach us the real meaning 0f s0-called LIFE, s0 He h0n0red us with even m0re 0pp0rtunity t0 see the many ways LIFE can be nasty t0 us all. and still, we pulled thr0ugh, t0 the very end =) i guess the best thing we can d0 is t0 bear it all in mind; the tears shed *'Aliaa's 0nly haha*, the hurt felt, and the pain shared; lest we get t0 the gl0ri0us t0p 0ne day, and f0rget that there's the murky d0wn s0mewhere; waiting f0r us t0 miss a grab and fall. as i said, it'll be a reminder t0 always watch 0ur steps, c0z evidently, the w0rld 0ut there is cruel, and we've witnessed 0nly the tiniest part 0f it. still, we made it t0 the end; unscathed in the br0adest scheme 0f things. what i'm sure 0f, we came 0ut 0f it with a brand-new dimensi0n t0 0urselves; m0re intact spirit and greater sense 0f ... well, 0f alm0st everything. s0, i say let's be pr0ud 0f 0urselves, celebrate 0ur terrific c0urage and patience, and definitely, 0ur FREED0M. freed0m. h0w nice is that w0rd. we're free, eventually =)
i l00k f0rward t0 seeing the pe0ple i've missed m0st, and haven't seen f0r s0 l0ng. well, since we started 0ff 0ur training; required t0 c0mplete 0ur engineering degree. and it's never 0ccured t0 me that s00n as the new semester c0mmences, we'll have 0nly 0ne year left 0f c0llege. 0ne year. and all th0se m0nths will be filled with vari0us pr0jects, researches, papers and c0urses. and if we're lucky en0ugh, we'll get t0 sl0t in time t0 take a break, hang ar0und and have as m0st fun as we can p0ssibly manage t0gether; bef0re we finally graduate and g0 0ur separate ways. the questi0n is there. will i miss it all? will i l00k back 0n the f0ur years and sigh and wish that i c0uld relive all th0se m0ments? h0nestly, i d0n't kn0w; yet. i've gr0wn cl0se t0 s0me pe0ple; much t0 my 0wn surprise, and i've als0 had s0me w0nderful mem0ries and stuff with 0thers. but i've always been a ... well, dunn0. i guess i'll have t0 re-think a questi0n s0me0ne has asked me very recently; what/where is y0ur life? yeah. it hit me a great deal. sadly, i d0n't have the answer t0 that. ('_')

anyways. what an em0ti0nal entry. haha. and is ab0ut t0 bec0me m0re em0ti0nal right fr0m this p0int ;p

0ne 0f the saddest things that has ever happened in my life; BRAZIL's 0-1 defeat against France. yeah, it might s0und daft, but it really is. i was devastated when Argentina l0st t0 Germany thr0ugh a penalty sh00t-0ut. Yatie was t00, as it was her very first time f0ll0wing updates 0n s0ccer, and the first time she decided t0 ch00se a team t0 supp0rt. and even th0ugh she hasn't been able t0 rec0gnize every Argentine 0n the team just yet, she was quite deeply affected. and w0rse, she didn't even get t0 watch the match. and i'd had t0 keep her updated every single minute until their last w0rld-cup-2006 penalty kick. i was frustrated, yet it didn't really matter since i've been supp0rting Germany t00. then, it was England against P0rtugal. and even th0ugh i've been supp0rting P0rtugal and s0 was glad that they made it, the dejected-l00king England players h0lding hands, s0bbing 0n the pitch, plus a friend 0f mine *wh0 cried (!!) after the match* left me silent, with a mixed feeling. it's kind 0f cruel when 0ne 0f tw0 great teams wh0 play great games are faced with an excruciating fate. they had all the right reas0ns t0 cry. even th0ugh s0me said that they c0uldn't wait t0 see England get kn0cked 0ut and that England have been limping al0ng like w0unded animals, pers0nally, i take my hat 0ff t0 England; they've sh0wn a very entertaining game, they've played really well, it was such a brilliant game that night against P0rtugal. true, their previ0us perf0rmance in the early r0und were d0wnright unspectacular, but against P0rtugal, they were very much better. *err excepti0n f0r R00ney th0ugh* hehe
it has never 0ccured t0 me at that m0ment that i was ab0ut t0 experience a great turn 0f event just a c0upla h0urs after that match. BRAZIL : FRANCE. when the ref's whistle at the end 0f the match reverberated thr0ugh the pitch; France players and fans celebrated their gl0ri0us m0ment, while the rest 0f the w0rld sat rigidly; n0t believing f0r a single sec0nd the fact that there w0uld be n0 Samba dance f0r us Brazil's supp0rters, and that that was the end t0 everything. it was a truly sad m0ment. and if all the 0rdeals in my life recently still didn't manage t0 make me cry; believe it 0r n0t, Brazil's defeat did. i cried =) en0ugh said! and when Yatie messaged me, and Eppy after that, and the rest wh0 did, i was speechless; dr0wn in my 0wn frustrati0n.

well, it'd n0rmally make me feel furi0us and disgusted if i cried, which explains why i suck at crying, but this time it was w0rth it. i didnt feel ashamed that i cried. c0z f0r all i kn0w, the w0rld 0ut there was crying t00. well, maybe n0t the wh0le w0rld, but a great big part 0f it. France deserved an applause th0ugh, they went all-0ut and their perf0rmance was unquesti0nably well. and here i am, thinking w0efully; i felt s0rry f0r France earlier 0n in the first r0und c0z it l00ked like they needed all the luck they c0uld get t0 make it t0 the R0und 0f 16. but then they pr0ceeded; far than grandly, and hit the w0rld by kn0cking 0ut my 2nd fav0rite team; Spain. i was sad. and n0w that they've kn0cked Brazil 0ut t00, please, i need a w0rd f0r "sadder than sad". had i kn0wn that they'd c0ntribute t0 my unhappiness later 0n, i'd never g0 ar0und dr0ning 0n ab0ut h0w s0rry i was f0r France in the first place.

anyways. that's it. w0rld cup 2006 is cl0se t0 the end. n0 m0re f00tball fevers, n0 m0re late nights 0ut, n0 m0re impr0per sleeping schedules, n0 m0re j0y 0f watching w0rld's best-l00king + talented + c00l guys play s0ccer *grins*, n0 m0re w0rld speaking 0ne special language; f00tball =) t0 th0se wh0've 0nly kn0wn that Li0nel Messi is 0ne 0f the y0ungest f00tballers t0 play in W0rld Cup, n0t a guitarist 0f an undergr0und band, (meaning: th0se wh0 n0rmally didn't watch s0ccer and 0nly paid attenti0n c0z 0f the infecti0us W0rld Cup spirit), they may c0ntinue life where they left it bef0re the seas0n began. and t0 me and milli0ns 0ther l0yal s0ccer fans, let's replenish 0ur spirit and l00k f0rward t0 the many champi0nships/leagues t0 c0me. there's the Eur0 2008! =) but still, i'm anticipating the WC final this Sunday. g0nna watch it with my dearest friends. my eagerness has s0mewhat reduced in intensity, th0ugh. it's 0kay. the spirit never dies! \(^_^)/

HIDUP B0LA!~

Fra : Esp [3-1]

whew.. sad. really and truly.

:'(

*****************************************************************

Bra : Gha [3-0]

\(^_^)/

***********************************************

y0u can't always have everything y0u want in life. y0u've g0t t0 ch00se.

in 0rder t0 get 0ne thing, y0u'll have t0 let g0 0f the 0ther.

that's just h0w it w0rks.

=)

The Bottom Line
The walls you've built need to come down, so show the world the real (amazing) you.

In Detail
A strange encounter with a friend will lead you to understand just how imposing the walls you've built have become. There's no good explanation for this wave of self-protectiveness that's come over you, so what gives? Try letting a few folks in on how you're feeling right now and let them see the real -- and amazing -- you. Trusting a friend will give you the confidence you need to start tearing down that wall before it grows any higher.

i supp0se it's right. *sigh*

lalalala.. life g0es 0n.. lalalala.. it makes me str0ng.. =)

i've been thr0ugh a l0t in the past few weeks. but i hadn't had en0ugh spare time t0 write everything d0wn. i wish i c0uld cram in everything here; fr0m awful times at w0rk :( t0 great fun at riding classes :) t0 r0llerblading with my friends :) t0 spending time at h0rse farm at every available time with H0b0 and c0. \(^_^)/ etc. anyways. what's written here d0esn't really matter, as l0ng as all the mem0ries remain alive in my heart =) *err the happy and sweet 0nes i mean, minus the awful 0nes*

t0day, i t00k cute Margarita 0ut f0r a walk. she's nice; slightly less stubb0rn than my darling H0b0 :) i had t0 h0ld her c0llar all the time th0ugh as she was afraid 0f a gr0up 0f ab0ut ten wild p0nies at nearby field; 0ne thing i c0uldn't really t0lerate since she was physically way bigger and t0ugher than th0se scraggy, 0bvi0usly-far-fr0m-well-fed p0nies. if she ran away, she'd m0st likely drag me al0ng and i'd end up breaking a few b0nes; which was a c0nstant reminder f0r me t0 keep h0lding 0n t0 her c0llar. apart fr0m the p0nies, we were al0ne. and since Margarita decided that she felt intimidated, i had t0 distract her fr0m paying attenti0n t0 th0se p0nies and scare herself. there was this time when the p0nies came t00 cl0se t0 the white w00den fence that was separating us fr0m them, and Margarita started jerking wildly. i tried t0 drag her away fr0m the fence. i even sh0ved her b0dy f0rward, and 0bvi0usly she didn't budge even an inch =p *additi0nal inf0: Margarita's weight = 450kg (!!)* i pulled her c0llar desperately and at that crucial m0ment, i saw an aer0plane s0aring high int0 the sky. h0ping f0r the best, i patted her neck and yelled with faux excitement "l00k Margarita! there's an aer0plane! l00k at it!" believe it 0r n0t, she turned and l00ked up at the sky. and i dragged her away t0 s0mewhere within a safer distance fr0m the p0nies. thank G0d after that, she c0ntinued feeding 0n the grass as if n0thing happened. phew! it was fun. but it'd have been m0re fun if it was H0b0. but H0b0 was 0ut 0n a riding trip. i like Margarita and all 0ther h0rses, but i l0ve H0b0 t0 bits, really and truly =) *haha ayat ad0pted fr0m a b00k i read recently; my best friend's girl* ;)

while Margarita was grazing, i picked all s0rts 0f wild leaves even th0ugh i had abs0lutely n0 idea as t0 whether it was edible/danger0us 0r n0t; with the h0pe that Margarita w0uld kn0w which 0ne was safe t0 eat. my the0ry was pr0ven right, she ate s0me, and rejected s0me. we had fun, wandering ar0und the hill, watching the sun set; which was a wh0le l0t m0re beautiful when y0u were lying 0n the grass; stretched bef0re y0u an endless green field, with equally green hills, and birds singing, and a fresh air smelling 0f nature, far away a herd 0f c0ws grazing at the field l00king like black and br0wn d0ts, it was all t00 amazing a sight that i st00d still beside Margarita and mumbled t0 her "L00k, girl. beautiful, isn't it? i c0uld live here f0r the rest 0f my life, y0u kn0w. y0u're s0 lucky y0u practically live here." *err m0re t0 myself actually c0z she was 0bvi0usly less appreciative 0f the event 0f nature unf0lding bef0re us as she was busy helping herself t0 her pre-dinner hehe* i l0ve t0 lie d0wn and watch the sunset but i c0uldn't d0 that with Margarita. i c0uldn't let her wander ar0und 0n her 0wn.

at 7.20 pm, i led Margarita d0wn the hill, al0ng the gravelly lane, back t0 the h0rse farm, t0 her 0wn stable. there, her guardian (Ajis, a Bangladeshi) wh0's been teaching me s0me 0f his language as well as Hindustani *haha* was filling the h0rses' buckets with pellets and hay. i put Margarita in her stable and wandered ar0und t0 say hell0 t0 her friends; Alisha, Jesse James, Ria, Shiva and Braveheart. they are trained f0r 'endurance', which explains the lean and str0ng b0dy despite their small size.

n0t l0ng after that, H0b0 and friends (Anch0r Minka, Paint, Bull Eye, Bucky and Mrs. Zed) were back fr0m their riding trip, which caused me t0 jump ecstatically at the sight 0f H0b0. hihiii ;D after undressing the h0rses, they were put in their individual stable as it was dinner time already. i t00k H0b0 t0 the 0pen arena where i gave him a bath; an0ther r0utine i enj0y s0000 much as it was a special b0nding m0ment f0r me and H0b0. i l0ve patting his str0ng b0dy (he's big; 500 kg++), str0king his mane, rubbing anti-bacterial shamp00, brushing and scraping, and playing with his supp0sedly-called-mane-but-0ftenly-referred-t0-as-hair-by-me 0n his head. he l00ks really cute with f0am in his hair, that's why i l0ve trying 0ut all s0rts 0f haird0s 0n him. haha. and he'd stand patiently, waiting f0r me t0 finish bathing him which usually t00k 0thers 0nly 15 minutes. my bathing him means he'd have t0 stand at least half an h0ur. hahaha. i still needed help t0 clean up the h0rses' h00ves since it was quite a difficult task. it t00ke me quite s0me time t0 be able t0 wash their head with0ut help, c0z they're very sensitive t0 pe0ple p0uring water 0nt0 their head and they c0uld turn aggresive *plus the h0rses are way taller than i am haha* ;p

see, his hair, cute kan! hehe =)

while bathing him, i'd pause every n0w and again, gaze at him ad0ringly, and hug him ar0und his neck. he's g0tten used t0 my sh0wing these extra-affecti0nate gestures by n0w that he l0wered his head and let me cling t0 his neck. hehe =) the h0rses w0uld usually pull away if they didn't like pe0ple they were unfamiliar with t0uching them. after c0mbing H0b0's hair *which was abs0lutely unnecessary and 0nly i did it* i put him back in his stable, filled all their buckets with clean water and left them t0 their dinner.

meal time is 0ne thing i d0n't really like c0z all the h0rses w0uld be t00 busy t0 n0tice any0ne 0r anything ar0und them. it w0uld be unwise t0 disturb them as they'd be aggresive. n0rmally we'd be sitting d0wn, drinking tea 0r s0mething, watching the h0rses quietly, relaxing after all the exhausting h0urs 0f l00king after the h0rses. it'd be s0 quiet except f0r the 0ccasi0nal s0und 0f either Andrew 0r Attenti0n kicking their bucket, turning it upside d0wn in an eff0rt t0 spill 0ut the pellets. *they l0ve d0ing that, which is quite irritating!* i l0ve this m0ment t00; watching the h0rses c0ntentedly, kn0wing thay they were safe, clean, and well taken-care 0f. and during this time t00, the 0ther c0aches wh0 have bec0me my friends since the first time i went there alm0st tw0 years ag0 (the pe0ple i l00k f0rward t0 seeing at every available time), w0uld be feeding me new kn0wledge ab0ut h0rses. there'd always be s0mething new f0r me t0 learn.

at 9 am, we ate dinner *b0ught by yati and dan - wink wink* ;) t0gether at the small area 0utside the shed and 0ffice, facing the stables. i l0ve this t00, what with the endless j0kes and laughters =) after dinner, we were 0ff t0 kara0ke. when we arrived at c0llege later at 2 am, i was smiling despite my knackered b0dy.

\(^_^)/ am l00king f0rward t0 a new day t0m0rr0w. nite~ zZZZzzZzzzzz *dreaming 0f H0b0* =)

n0rmal day 0ut with H0b0 =)

H0b0 \(^_^)/

that's Paint =)

Paint d0esn't trust any0ne, and he's t00 careful. he's scared 0f alm0st every0ne. unlike 0ther h0rses, he st0ps eating and m0ves away t0 the c0rner 0f his stable if s0me0ne appr0aches. i alm0st gave up trying t0 c0nvince him that i'm harmless. after s0me time, he's decided that i'm sincere and s0 he's taken t0 like me. haha. n0w he c0mes t0 me when i call 0ut his name, and he feels at ease with me. well, it paid 0ff =) he l0ves red apples! s0 cute. hehe. 0thers l0ve carr0ts. H0b0 l0ves everything. huhu. Paint is nice, really. easier t0 c0ntr0l even H0b0 pun tak mcm Paint. H0b0 yang gemuk, kuat makan and manje ssgt2. hehe. but i still l0ve him ssgt =)

sunset =)

GUNNERS R0CK.!~ \(^_^)/

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL- ARSENAL VS BARCELONA

By Richard Clarke in Paris

It was just not to be.

Arsenal's journey to the Champions League Final had been based on bravery, artistry and youthful endeavour. But, with the trophy within their grasp, they found their path blocked by a mighty Barcelona side.

In a few days time, Arsene Wenger's side will be able to puff out their chests with pride at their performance in the first ever final in Europe's top competition. They played with 10 men for 72 minutes after Jens Lehmann was sent off in the early stages then took the lead eight minutes before the break when Sol Campbell nodded home a free-kick.

For much of the second half it seemed like this impossible mission would be accomplished. Barca had all the pressure but Thierry Henry and Freddie Ljungberg had chances to finish the argument.

However, 14 minutes from time, Samuel Eto'o struck home from an acute angle on one side and soon afterwards substitute David Belletti fired home in similar circumstances on the other.
There would be no way back.

The air was thick with equal measures of ambition and anxiety in the hours before kick-off. Inside the stadium, a small army of media men prepared to carry news of this historic game out to the world. Outside, there were thousands more fans -some in yellow, some in red and blue- all of them ready to drink deep from the well of atmosphere this evening. To put it simply, it was the biggest game Arsenal had ever played.

Wenger stuck with his tried and tested European formation. It was a 4-5-1 with Alexander Hleb and Ljungberg pushing forward to support Henry, the lone striker. At the back, Campbell got the nod over Philippe Senderos.

Within the first 180 seconds Henry could have scored twice. First he cushioned a well-timed pass into the area by Emmanuel Eboue past his marker, Rafael Marquez, he give himself a point-blank shot at goal just eight yards out. Barca keeper Victor Valdes was quick off his line blocked the French striker's shot with his leg. The ball ricocheted away for a corner. It was played short to Henry on the left of the area and his vicious, low shot nearly surprised Valdes at the near post.

The opening salvos were coming from Arsenal and the London fans sensed it. If their side were to sing a tuneful song tonight then Henry would the conductor and the captain seemed to have the baton in his hand in the early stages.

In the ninth minute Ludovic Giuly escaped from Ashley Cole and stung Lehmann's hands. Soon afterwards, Ronaldinho sent a free-kick just wide. It was a 'sighter' and there would be surely more from him this evening.

And so it proved.

In the 17th minute, the Brazilian cleverly sent Eto'o through against an Arsenal defence that had found itself too square on. The Cameroon striker raced forward and has appeared to have skipped past Jens Lehmann only to see his trailing leg caught by the German. The ball ran on and Giuly planted it into the empty net.

It appeared to be a goal but amid the din referee Terje Hauge had blown for the original foul. Play would be pulled back for a free-kick right on the line of the penalty area. However the foul meant Lehmann had to see red. The 36-year-old held his head in his hands at the sight of the card.

It was a correct decision but a truly sad one aswell given Lehmann's huge contribution to Arsenal's season. Perhaps even unluckier was Pires, who was substituted to make way for substitute keeper Manuel Almunia. The Spaniard, who had been excellent himself when required his season, survived an immediate scare when play finally restarted as Ronaldinho whistled another free-kick just wide.

It was, of course, a pivotal moment and Arsenal struggled to recover.

But history has proved that this side should not underestimated. In the 37th minute, Eboue roared up the right and was felled by Carles Puyol. Henry took it and Campbell ghosted in front of Oleguer to flick a header into the net at the far post.

Half of the stadium exploded in noise and colour. The other half was stunned into silence.

In the minutes that followed Barca's swagger had a certain urgency about it. Could they really throw it away from such a position of strength? However they still had Ronaldinho and the Brazilians was still pulling the strings.

In first half injury time he nudged the ball into Eto'o in the corner of the area. The striker swivelled past and sent a shot fizzing toward the goal. Almunia narrowed the angle and got a finger tip on the ball to deflected it on to the post.

An incredible save and one that made you think this might just not be Barca's night.

The Catalans flew at Arsenal at the start of the second half. Ronaldinho continued to sparkle and tested Almunia with a couple of efforts from distance. In driving rain, the tide was unremittingly one-way. But it seemed Arsenal’s dam has been well-built.

It seemed that Barca had run out of ideas and, if anything, Arsenal were stretching them more and more. Henry fired wastefully at Valdes when put clear and Ljungberg forced the Spanish international keeper tipped acrobatically over the bar when the Swede had wriggled himself into some space on the left of the area.

On the hour, Barca manager Frank Rikjaard brought on Henrik Larsson for the ineffective Mark van Bommel. The Swedish striker's introduction was to prove pivotal. In the 76th minute he laid on a perfect ball for Eto'o to race through and fire home from an acute angle. Five minutes later the Swede laid on the pass for Belletti to thump home a shot that cannoned into the net off the ankle of Almunia.

Arsenal tried their best to raise themselves but, tired and outnumbered, their tanks was empty.

Fortunately this young side will come again and every Arsenal fan can be proud of their team this evening.

As I said early, after the disappointment has died, satisfaction will take its place. Next season we will have the Emirates Stadium and, thank heaven, another opportunity in this great competition.

But, for tonight at least, we must console ourselves with the thought that it was just not to be.

what was the last m0vie i watched?? hurm.. SHE'S THE MAN, TGV klcc, a day bef0re i went 0ff to my practical training. 0-kay. it just seems s0000 damn l0ng since i last had c0ntact with a real human living. *sigh* :(

wish y0u were here. CIK SIP0T KEBUNNN..!! ;) blek! :p

i've just finished reading "n0 sec0nd chance" by harlan c0ben. it t00k me 7 h0urs. the st0ry's gripping. brilliant, as always. i'm n0t g0ing any deeper int0 that. when i finished scanning the last page, *and the ackn0wledgements after that, and the ab0ut-the-auth0r thing after that* ;) i grabbed my hp and msged.. well. this might strike 0ne as weird 0r daft 0r anything but there was a reas0n as t0 why i did it. hehe. i msged Ana, wh0 was a few feet away fr0m me. in 0ther w0rds, we were in the same r00m, 0nly the tw0 0f us, yet i c0uldn't seem t0 find a m0re direct f0rm 0f c0mmunicating with her. n0t under CURRENT circumstances. hehe. well, here's what was in the sms:
"d0 u want me t0 fix y0u s0methg? that cereal 0r h0t ch0c? we're n0t 0n speaking terms right? s0 i figured sms w0uld be 0kay. heee~ :D"

the thing is, Ana was (still is) s0 abs0rbed in her w0rk that i dared n0t distract her. we've agreed 0n n0t speaking t0 each 0ther; she had t0 finish up her rep0rt which is a l0ad 0f mess; f0r starters, she hasn't even begun w0rking 0n the results (let al0ne the discussi0n) and w0rse, she hadn't even g0t a result; she'd been running the experiment/pr0gram 0r whatever it was that she did f0r her pr0ject survey all in vain. it's been 3 weeks. and she had t0 hand in the rep0rt t0m0rr0w. earlier 0n she msged her dad, asked her parents t0 pray f0r her final attempt t0 c0me t0 a success (which we t00, had agreed unanim0usly that it was like h0ping f0r a miracle t0 happen) and her dad rang back. and she t0ld her 0ld man j0kingly that the 0nly 0pti0n left if she didn't get all the equati0ns needed f0r the rep0rt was t0 jump 0ff the building. and sure en0ugh, he freaked 0ut at her t0ne. y0u kn0w, y0u might think y0u kn0w s0me0ne very well yet i've always believed that there just has t0 be s0me territ0ry that y0u're unfamiliar with. and that y0u're b0und t0 find s0me surprise every n0w and then. at least, i believe it w0rks that way. s0, back t0 Ana and her 0ld man. he 0ught t0 be a little wary ab0ut her resp0nse; funny as it might've s0unded. then, she sat at her very-rarely-used desk and started w0rking. and i was c0zily tucked in Yatie's bed, reading my third n0vel this week (despite the fact that my first paper is less than 0ne week away). i'd wanted t0 resume watching the g0dfather (0h i'll get t0 that in a few minutes) but she'd specifically requested 0n having n0 s0und whats0ever. plus the b00k i was reading was m0re appealing at the time. Ana's w0rking very hard (and y0u c0uld say that's a breakthr0ugh hehe). we're 0f the same league; never paid much attenti0n t0 studies, never w0rried much ab0ut assignments... well, y0u g0t the picture. and s0 seeing her n0w with her b0dy in an upright p0siti0n and her fingers actively tapping away at her lapt0p it's like... dunn0. and it was her wh0 helped me 0ut with my rep0rt last week.

just a quick recap; i was supp0sed t0, wait. let me rephrase that. WE were supp0sed t0 hand in the rep0rt 0n tuesday (it was a gr0up thing) yet they dumped it 0n me in the eleventh h0ur, and expected me t0 finish it. wth? that was what i was s0 furi0us ab0ut. heh. n0, that wasn't really infuriating. what was was the fact that they expected me t0 finish it all by myself 0n such sh0rt n0tice yet they expected t0 see their names 0n the fr0nt c0ver. again, wtf? and like it always did, my bad luck f0r the day didn't end there. while struggling t0 analyze the data and everything, with the time cl0sing in 0n me, i'd felt a severe pain in my st0mach. that was at 1.25pm that tuesday. and i had t0 bring the rep0rt t0 class later 0n at 2pm. i've rarely been sick bef0re and it was sheer bad luck that the preci0us m0ment ch0se t0 happen then. i cr0uched 0ver the lapt0p; 0ne hand squeezing my st0mach, the 0ther still tapping at the lapt0p; th0ugh a little less frantically. Ana made me take s0me Alka-Seltzer (whatever that is :p) and helped me 0ut with the graphs. i lay in bed, h0ping that the pain w0uld die d0wn. after a g00d few minutes i g0t back t0 the rep0rt. finally i managed t0 get it d0ne. and (i certainly kn0w this bit isn't necessary but heck wh0 cares?) my lecturer said it was g00d and suggested that the 0thers ask me t0 pr00f-read their rep0rt bef0re handing it in. that really put the big g00fy smile 0n my face. at least, it paid 0ff ;) and as f0r the pain in my st0mach, it g0t w0rse, i tried t0 sleep it 0ff but it was futile and i ended up cr0uched in bed all day, until later that night. i c0uldn't even talk when dennis called. and i felt really bad ab0ut that. i tried t0 listen t0 her and bear the pain but in the end i really c0uldn't f0cus anym0re s0 i t0ld her i had t0 hang up. and the fact that i'd said it abruptly while she was kinda d0wn and she was actually telling me s0mething really made me feel bad. s0rry, denn =(

s0 n0w i want t0 help Ana but i d0n't think there's any part 0f her w0rk that i c0uld help with. the title 0f her pr0ject: "m0delling 0f affinity precipitati0n system 0f enzyme rec0very". i kn0w s0me basics ab0ut her pr0ject (i myself am studying m0delling and simulati0n this semester, and MATLAB, well, is there any engineer wh0 d0esn't kn0w what it is?) but at this crucial p0int basic w0uldn't suffice. s0 i th0ught perhaps i c0uld at least get her s0mething t0 drink 0r anything. as s00n as i hit the 'send' butt0n, i fled the r00m *haha* and went t0 the bathr00m. when i was back, she was slightly slumped 0n her chair; her face deadpan yet there was a faint trace 0f amusement. she was biting her l0wer lip. within 3 sec0nds she cracked up a little. i instantane0usly checked my hp and there it was; her reply msg. haha. i kn0w it wasn't much, i kn0w it w0uldn't help as in miracul0usly make all her w0rkl0ad just disappear, but at least it t00k s0me strain 0ff her face =)

the g0dfather. i read the b00k by mari0 puz0 last tw0 days. it's a damn great st0ry, i fell f0r all the characters instantly (0r michael c0rle0ne, at least ;b) i've always been keen 0n all the mafia s0rts 0f stuff and that explains my fav0ring "the italian j0b", "f0ur br0thers", etc (n0t menti0ning mark wahlberg, ahax!) i watched "f0ur br0thers" a few times; in 0ne night. s0 last night i watched the dvd; the g0dfather part 1. i was transfixed in fr0nt 0f the lapt0p f0r the wh0le 3 h0urs. i n0ticed tw0 differences between the m0vie and the b00k. 0ne thing ab0ut reading the st0ry in w0rds is that y0u get better (and/0r clearer) view 0n things. better understanding even. the 0nly d0wnside is that i c0uld remember alm0st every dial0gue in the b00k and s0 i f0und myself mentally checking whether Al Pacin0 was saying exactly the right thing fr0m the b00k 0r n0t, thr0ugh0ut the m0vie. and when he 0r s0me0ne else in the m0vie wasn't, i felt an unnecessary dejecti0n. haha. as if i was afraid that they might twist the st0ry fr0m its 0riginality hence alter my c0mprehensi0n 0f the st0ry (0r my feeling t0ward the characters *ahem*) ;b i'm g0ing t0 watch part 2 and part 3 s00n. t0m0rr0w, perhaps. have t0 brace myself f0r the w0rst th0ugh, heard that michael c0rle0ne is g0ing t0 be sh0t t0 death. huuuuu.. ;b well, mafi0s0! 0h, the g0dfather definitely has t0 be 0ne my m0st fav0rite b00ks/m0vies ever! \(^_^)/

Yatie had g0ne h0me 0n friday. i didn't see her bef0re she left. but we had early lunch t0gether at 10am that day, with Ana. and managed t0 g00f ar0und a little while we were at it. eheh. \(^_^)/ she's c0ming back here t0m0rr0w. can't wait t0 hear ab0ut her grandparent's (i'm n0t sure if it was her g'm0ther 0r g'father) new cat. she msged me ab0ut it this aftern00n. s0unds 'interesting'. hehe.

quite a l0t 0f 'interesting' things happened t0day. hehe. i had brunch with Ana yet we f0und 0urselves c0nstantly munching s0mething afterwards; Ana claiming she needed all the extra energy t0 think, and me.. well, i've always been kn0wn t0 eat a l0t. after maghrib, we shared chicken papar0ng pizza a friend had kindly br0ught us and after having p0lished 0ff the last crumb, i l00ked up at Ana and she said "let's g0 0ut and get s0mething t0 eat." haha. and s0 we did. (t0gether with Jah). we were raven0us. haha. i ate nasi lemak, and then r0ti telur. the game 'chelsea-west ham' was 0n and it was all i c0uld d0 n0t t0 beg them t0 linger a bit l0nger until the end 0f the game. i underst00d they had the rep0rt due t0m0rr0w. i had actually asked Ana if we c0uld stay a little while s0 i c0uld at least catch the first half 0f the "arsenal-MU" game at 11pm; 0n the 0ff-chance that she might suddenly change her mind. heh. it was like asking a questi0n t0 which the answer is 0bvi0us (and y0u knew :p) but y0u ask anyway. well, the interesting thing was ab0ut Jah. and.. s0me guy. ehehh. \(^_^)/

hurm... what a lengthy p0st. well... haven't written in a while :)

ahhhh *b0red*

.all i kn0w. `kelly clarks0n`

For all I know, you could be near and every breath I take, you could feel

For all I know, you're just a thought that crossed my mind

What I wouldn't give to live that thought of mine

For all I know is nothing's changed,

Nothing ever will if I don't leave this place,

For all I know,

You're waiting for me to whisper your name ,

What I wouldn't give to kiss your sweet face,

Coz all I know is I need you here,

And all I have, I would give away,

So I could tell you dear,

All I feel...

oh I tried so hard to not feel,

It's killing me,

For all I know, you forgot me,

For all I know, you're different completely,

And everything we had was never what I thought it was,

But for all I know,

Oh it was love...

Coz all I know is I need you here,

All I have, I would give away to so I could tell you dear,

All I feel...

Oh I tried so hard to not feel,

It's killing me,

Now everyone has a name,

And every face always somehow looks the same,

I always feel so alone,

Especially when it rains,

For all I know, boy, you do the same,

Yeah I didn't know that I need you here,

All I had, I gave away cause I was still afraid to feel,

All I feel, oh I tried so hard to not feel

It's killing me, it's killing me,

All I know

All I know

For all I know..!

"Lighting is prescribed up0n y0u, and y0u dislike it. But it is p0ssible that y0u dislike a thing which is g00d f0r y0u, and that y0u l0ve a thing which is bad f0r y0u. But Allah SWT kn0ws... and y0u kn0w n0t..."

Al-Baqarah:216

my passi0n~ =)

\(^_^)/ yippieee!!! 0ne 0f the best-est days 0f my life! huhu. i b0ught seven(!!) b00ks this aftern00n, at the KL Internati0nal B00k Fair, PWTC. the feeling's like.. *huhu* indescribable. when we g0t there *me n yatie* i alm0st hyperventilated *haha* t0 see s000000000000 many b00ksssssss everywhere. i was giddy all 0ver with excitement. heheheh. like yatie when she saw handbags 0r sandals. hahahaha. *i'm g0ing t0 have t0 hear her nag f0r this* i was frustrated th0ugh, didn't find any 0f stephen king's b00ks which i've planned t0 buy. i've just finished his pseud0nym's n0vel (richard bachman) "the regulat0rs". it's brilliant, all right. it t00k me 9 h0urs t0 finish it (it's s00 thick, with small typing) and the minute i finished the last page, i grabbed my hp and msged ching f0ng.

"all i can say.. *deep breath* t0tally brilliant! u mustn't skip dis 0ne! hav t0 read it! seri0usly, i've read s0 many thrillers by different auth0rs but n0ne c0mes cl0se as t0 the 0riginality 0f his ideas. m0st 0f the time u can guess the ending 0f these thrillers, but i assure u, n0t with King. it's either u keep reading 0r u'd be l0st f0r directi0n. phew! i really am getting all em0ti0nal after finishing this 0ne. ain't that s0mething?"

that's exactly what i said t0 her, and what i'd say t0 any0ne. huhu. and i think i've succeeded at influencing ching f0ng. haha. she's never read any 0f King's b00ks bef0re (0r tried t0 but 0nly managed a few pages) and she wanted t0 hear my c0mment 0n this 0ne c0z she's determined t0 read it thr0ugh t0 the very last page this time. well, i really h0pe she w0n't give up halfway thr0ugh c0z pers0nally, i admit that King's b00ks are b0ring, excessively descriptive and dragging BUT 0nly the first 0ne 0r tw0 hundred pages. y0u'll get t0 that p0int at which y0u w0n't be able t0 put the b00k d0wn c0z it's s0 riveting. i assure y0u. meanwhile y0u have t0 put up with the b0ring phase laa. haha. h0wever, as i said, it's a little difficult if y0u've g0t a prec0nceived judgment 0n it. i mean like.. if y0u've had y0ur mind set that it's b0ring, that y0u'll never make it, then that's the way it's g0nna be right? might as well n0t b0ther trying in the first place. huhu.

. c0ma (r0bin c00k) <--- i've been c0llecting his b00ks *th0ugh s0me 0f his c0mplicated medical terms really c0nfuse me s0metimes*
. bitter medicine (sara peretsky)
. the g0dfather (mari0 puz0) <--- been l00king f0r it f0r s0me time *a friend suggested it*
. the last t0 kn0w (wendy c0rsi staub)
. first bl00d (david m0rrell) <--- am reading his newest b00k; 'burnt sienna' at the m0ment
. s0mething w0nderful (judith mcnaught) <--- i've read this s0me time ag0 *damn jiwang! huhu*
. n0 sec0nd chance (harlan c0ben) <--- i've g0t several 0f his b00ks, he's definitely g0t a distinguished style

n0w that i've added s0me m0re b00ks t0 my c0llecti0n (which means adding s0me m0re mess t0 my already jam-packed desk) i think i really am n0t g0nna read agatha christie's "ten little niggers" i b0rr0wed fr0m ching f0ng. it's never impressed me much in the first place. f0r starters, i d0n't like thin b00ks. 0nly like.. 2 hundred pages. and even th0ugh i kn0w it's n0t g00d t0 judge a b00k by it's c0ver, i can't help thinking that it's t00 drab; unappealing. 0kay. i'm n0t reading it. peri0d. huhu. i've g0t seven brand-new b00ks after all, haven't i? h0h0h0 ;) *heaven heaven*

yatie taught me 0ne little game t0day. and we played it whenever we were b0red; str0lling at the mall 0r cr0ssing the streets 0r waiting f0r meals; 0blivi0us t0 the surr0unding. well.. we did n0tice the 0ccasi0nal 0dd stares, but wth? they're strangers after all. i was reluctant t0 play at first, *biasela takut kalah haha ;)* but yatie insisted and after winning a c0upla r0unds, i ended up the 0ne s000 excited t0 initiate the game afterwards. it's fun when y0u're b0red 0ut 0f y0ur mind. and it pr0mises a g00d laugh. haha ;) back in c0llege, we lay 0n the fl00r in yatie's r00m and resumed playing despite 0ur dr00ping eyelids and nagging fatigue. yatie gave me her aubergine-purple crystal bracelet t0 wear bef0re we went 0ut and i'm still wearing it n0w. i never th0ught i c0uld actually stand having a bracelet dangling at my wrist but the weird feeling w0re 0ff eventually. and i managed t0 quit str0king and adjusting it every 1.8 sec0nd after s0me time. *as well as mentally telling myself 'i'm feeling m0re 0f a girl' again and again* hahaha. rev0luti0n's 0n its way ;)

0h i missed my ke-negara-an presentati0n this aftern00n. heheh. accidentally-0n-purp0se *hahaha* :D it's been p0stp0ned f0r alm0st 3 weeks n0w and i've l0st all interest in d0ing it *n0t that i had much in the first place pun ;)*

happy 22nd birthday t0 Isha!~ :) all the best-est!~ \(^_^)/

"... 000h hands0me...!!" ;)

haha. i decided to st0p bl0gging yet after tw0 weeks, here i am, writing again. actually, i'm w0rking 0n 0ur research rep0rt; meth0d0l0gy part that's s000 darned b0ring. huhu. 0kay. this is 0nly a quick digressi0n. i'm getting back t0 that in a minute. heh :p

well. there's n0thing much t0 write ab0ut. l0tsa things happened but i'm t00 lazy t0 write them d0wn. plus i've rarely been in my st0ry-telling m00d recently. i used t0 l0ve t0 "ber-cerite" but that particular habit 0f mine has s0meh0w reduced in intensity. i d0 tell st0ries t0 ppl, but 0nly every n0w and then.

early this year, we l0st t0 K6 at the finals 0f inter-c0llege v0lleyball. and it was an expected defeat since K6 is a residential c0llege f0r athlete. we l0st t0 them last year t00. at the finals this year, there was this 0ne K6 player wh0 caught every0ne's attenti0n. she didn't play last year s0 every0ne th0ught "here's a new face". but it's c0mm0n kn0wledge that there are s0me pe0ple wh0 kind 0f exude p0wer and auth0rity with0ut having t0 d0 anything, and i'd say this girl d0es exactly that. she had that i-am-a-great-player-and-i-kn0w-that l00k ab0ut her. apparently every0ne saw that in her. the m0st amusing thing was every girl was like.. "000hh hands0me..!" when she first sh0wed up. haha. and she's a girl :p s0me even immediately claimed that they were lesbian 0r c0uld be bi-sexual. funny. anyways. she pr0ved it allright. it's n0t 0nly my th0ught. she is a great player. and every0ne had been talking ab0ut her until days after that. here and there i heard "n0 5.. n0 5.." and i c0uldn't help smiling. umm. 0kay. there's m0re t0 it but i'm n0t g0ing int0 the details 0f it all :)

here's a c0uple 0f newspaper clippings i've g0t. s0me th0ughtful friend saw the article and gave it t0 me. i keep them. 0kay. apparently, n0. 5 has been playing f0r Malaysia since she was 14. *hmm n0 w0nder* she's 21, 5'8" tall, and she was b0rn a day bef0re me!!! (29th 0ct0ber) *i practically yelled this t0 my friends when i first f0und 0ut, huhu :p*

0kay. meth0d0l0gy.. meth0d0l0gy :p

2 days with0ut class resulted in 0ur s0aking up the weekend m00d. a m00d which caused an adverse effect 0n us that is- malas giler nak gi class this last day 0f the week. huhu. but i still went t0 the m0rning classes. yatie skipped b0th. and t0day is "hari penipuan sedunia" hahaha. s0me0ne g0t duped t0day! ;) n0t 0nce, but several times. what? n0 n0, it wasn't me. ehehhehe. i was 0ne 0f th0se wh0 made that s0me0ne jump in fright because 0f a simple lie. *huahhahahh* it's yatie!!! ;) i really d0n't get what's wr0ng with her t0day, but she's simply being inn0cent and believed every single thing pe0ple t0ld her, such as her 0pti0n presentati0n was cancelled by their lecturer hence she l0st 20 marks. i lied t0 her that there was a heat exchanger quiz f0r 0ur equipment design class and she missed it. and a few m0re. and she was buying everything! *kesian betul.. cacat!* ;p

i skipped my 0pti0n class this aftern00n, and was talked int0 g0ing 0ut with yatie. when she asked me if i felt like g0ing 0ut 0r n0t, i sensed danger there. hahahaha. i didn't really feel like g0ing 0ut, but it's been quite b0ring these days. i mean.. we spent 2 days d0ing n0thing. we didn't even g0 0ut 0r d0 s0mething nice. i suggested m0vie, but i kn0w yatie's n0t much 0f a m0vie-n-p0pc0rn pers0n. s0 my attempt t0 av0id myself fr0m being dragged int0 an0ther lethal sh0pping trip was in vain. haha. but anyh0w. we did g0 0ut, t0 The Mines *jer pun :p* but that wasn't bef0re we did a few stupid things first. *hehehehe* ;p takperlah.. segan nak crite. *muakakaka* s0 we were 0ff at 5 pm.

i was in a neutral m00d; n0t t00 happy, n0t t00 umm.. unhappy. eheh. but when we g0t there, and started wind0w-sh0pping, i gradually fell int0 silence, barely uttered a w0rd, and smiled slightly when yatie asked me what was wr0ng. i felt guilty; i kn0w s0me0ne wh0's s0000 quiet and seems s000 distant and l0st is hardly the m0st s0ught-after c0mpani0n f0r g0ing 0ut. s0 i really tried t0 cheer up and dutifully f0ll0wed her ar0und, trying t0 think 0f s0mething witty t0 say ab0ut the rings she picked up 0r the sh0es she tried 0n. but it still felt wr0ng, my heart was truly n0t in it. 0nly when yatie treated me t0 br0wnies+alm0nds+ch0c fudge ice cream did i perk up. and after that, tiramisu+alm0nds :) i really binged 0n ice cream t0day. *kalah ice cream day huhu* well.. i really l0ve alm0nds, 0f all nuts. back in c0llege, i was feeling drained 0ut, i c0llapsed int0 her bed and fell asleep. and yatie was nagging at me; said i had t0 build up my exclusive-f0r-sh0pping stamina and all. uh huh :p *yerla tu*

saturday's c0ming! :) :) :)

zzzZZzZZzzZzzzzZzzz

huhu. w0ke up late this m0rn-9am, (the first time in 2 weeks). i w0ke up t0 find myself in yatie's bed. i didn't realize it; i must've fallen asleep with0ut actually wanting t0 last night. Ana was getting dressed; had already taken a sh0wer. me and yatie lazed ar0und despite 0ur plan t0 g0 t0 the faculty at 9am. i t0ld her t0 g0 take a sh0wer first and i'd f0ll0w, and she was like.. u first. blabla. (actually dua2 pun pemalas ;p) s0 finally, we went t0 the fac at 11.30am! haha.

spent the wh0le aftern00n with yatie playing games, reading mags, listening t0 the radi0, guessing lyrics and talking. i still l0ve h0lidays and days-0ff even if there's n0thing nice t0 d0, even if i just waste my time d0ing stupid things :) i l0ve h0lidays!! *wh0 d0esn't?* duh! ;p

still haven't d0ne the assignment. i've re-read the questi0ns, but am t00 sleepy (plus lazy) t0 really start d0ing it :)

check this 0ut- "blue skies" by irving berlin. my s0ng :)

I was blue, just as blue as I could be

Ev'ry day was a cloudy day for me

Then good luck came a-knocking at my door

Skies were gray but they're not gray anymore

Blue skies

Smiling at me

Nothing but blue skies

Do I see

Bluebirds

Singing a song

Nothing but bluebirds

All day long

Never saw the sun shining so bright

Never saw things going so right

Noticing the days hurrying by

When you're in love, my how they fly

Blue days

All of them gone

Nothing but blue skies

From now on

[2]

I should care if the wind blows east or west

I should fret if the worst looks like the best

I should mind if they say it can't be true

I should smile,

that's exactly what I do :) :) :)

.BUKAN CINTA BIASA~.

i went t0 see a theater t0nite, at... *n0w this is a bit tricky ;p* let me try.. PKSSSHAAS- Pusat Kebudayaan dan Seni Sultan Salahuddin ....s0mething2.... Shah. haha. i'm n0t sure if i g0t it right. anyh0w. "Bukan Cinta Biasa". interesting title huh? that's what made me g0 in the 1st place. and this is a pers0nal 0pini0n; my pers0nal 0pini0n. and 0thers may say anything they want anyway :p t0 me, it's great! but i really d0nt kn0w. i d0nt kn0w much ab0ut theaters, let al0ne t0 evaluate the quality, etc. s0 wh0 am i t0 give c0mments 0r anything right? but i enj0yed it :) it was awes0me. there were b0ring bits (but 0f c0urse :p) in the beginning, but it was a great sh0w just the same. 0ne thing really made me sit in awed silence *huhu*; the lead actress cried f0r the m0st part! i mean, she really cried!! with tears streaming d0wn her face and all. i was like.. "w0w!" h0w'd she d0 that? h0w? an0ther thing; the 0riginality 0f the idea. the st0ry began with a p0litical upheaval in a place called planet spidar, a planet 0f spider-human; their dance-like m0vement was amazing, i mean.. they m0ved like that all the time, didnt they feel tired 0r s0mething? the stage setting was c00l t00. there's this gigantic hand-made spider web which c0vered alm0st the wh0le stage; it l00ked real! umm.. where was i? the st0ry. yes. umm.. there was the crisis; we kn0w they have this system where there's the Queen wh0 reigns their planet blahblah, and the male serve the female 0r s0mething like that right? s0, the crisis was triggered by the male p0pulati0n; they were sick 0f serving the female. they wanted equality. umm.. wait.. c0me t0 think 0f it.. isn't it the bees that have the queen and all that? d0 spiders have 0ne t00? umm.. n0w i really am n0t sure. but the planet's name was spidar, s0 that must be spider in english right? err.. let's just assume that they're cr0ss-breed 0f spider, bee and.. umm.. human :p s0.. the princess then fled t0 bumi mars; 0ur planet earth la. she met this 0ne guy, and they fell f0r each 0ther blahblah. then, the male spider-bee-human f0und her, a war between the spider-bee-human species against human t00k place. finally, the princess had t0 return t0 her planet, their queen died; killed by the male spider-bee-human, s0 she had t0 take 0ver the reign. s0 the brief fling between her and the guy ceased there. the end. *lebih kurang la ;p* besh besh :)

called denn at 6pm. haven't talked t0 her in a week. and didn't reply her msgs t00. *s0rry* and i kn0w she didn't believe me when i said i didn't have any credits left :) huhu. s0rry ab0ut that t00. 0wh and s0rry i kept saying "what? what?" *sbb the line sux huhu* and didn't understand what she was saying; i was busy trying t0 make 0ut what she said. will talk t0 y0u later.

went t0 a friend's r00m f0r a makan2 sessi0n, and after that, they were all d0ing the statistics hw while Maizatul and me played cards. hehe. Firah was the judge (la k0n0n ;p) *like we needed 0ne :p* i really c0uldn't f0cus; Wanis was bugging me! :p she didn't want t0 play; she was supp0sed t0 be discussing her gr0up presentati0n with the rest 0f her gr0up members, but she didn't even j0in them and she did her best t0 distract me. she peered at my cards, and gave away what i had. i l0st t0 Mai. cis! :p but then, it g0t much better. i w0n three games in a r0w, i wanted t0 quit and declare myslef as the winner f0r the night, but Mai insisted 0n playing an0ther 3 games; said if i w0n, she'd declare me as champi0n. s0 i played. and I AM champi0n 0f the night! ;) hihi. *dahla tu, mls nak gl0at dah ;p* went t0 yatie's r00m and ate kuey te0w kung fu. b0rak2. tid0.

thai-seaf00d pizza f0r dinner!~ ;) hihi. thanx t0 encik KING K0NG! ;D and encik gajah juge, kerana telah meneman saye bermain. hehe. we played cards until azan maghrib! huhu. i'm seri0usly h00ked 0n it. i w0n..!! \(^_^)/ that's the best part. and this is the n0t-s0-g00d part, heh; i w0n.. 0NCE :p but it's c00l all the same. and with them guys, i enj0yed playing, c0z with the girls, they pressured me! huhu. kutuk... tak tahan.. ;p melemah-kan semangat kesukanan 0rg jer. hihi. well.. it's s0-called psych0l0gy (strategy, even). and i c0uld gl0at all i want with the guys; they let me! hahaha. *yerla, kasi can ar k0n0n.. dah asyik main black jack jer, kalah ar r0yal, terime lah kenyataan rakan2ku. hihi ;p* i w0n't be playing black jack anyway. i pr0mised myself.

i called yati at 5 pm, and every0ne sh0uted int0 the ph0ne s0mething i c0uldn't really make 0ut, but didn't have t0 make it 0ut t0 kn0w exactly what it was :p heh. like i was jeal0us. i said t0 a friend, "ada apa dengan camer0n?" and she asked me back, (here's a g00d 0ne ;p) "ada apa dengan k0lej?" haha. it's true. i never th0ught 0f that. never c0mpared c0llege with camer0n. i think she was trying t0 say 'it's n0t all that c00l *camer0n* but it's better than n0thing *c0llege*'. heh. and i c0uldn't find s0mething t0 c0unter that. stunned, even. hahaha. anyways. i ph0ned her just t0 ask what time they'd be back. i wanted t0 g0 t0 her r00m and tidy up a little :p d0n't get it wr0ng, i'm n0t being nice f0r n0thing. i just felt 0bliged t0 d0 it c0z yesterday, 0nly me and Ana left, umm.. the place was a bit messy. n0thing, really. just the juice cart0n, etc. and f0ll0wing her rec0rd, i really c0uldn't rely 0n Ana t0 make the place clean again. hahaha. n0 0ffense, Ana. but she admitted it herself; if the ph0t0 0f her place was exp0sed f0r pe0ple t0 guess, they'd say it's a guy's place. huhu. n0w use y0ur imaginati0n :p n0 need t0 g0 int0 details. plus, she'd be at the Green Card thingy all day after all. anyways. here's the sh0cking thing. i went 0ver after playing cards, and n0 0ne was there, and the r00m was acceptably clean and tidy! hahaha. i just made the bed and put a few things in place. and i was smiling actually, while d0ing it. Ana c0uld be a very 0rganized pers0n if she put her mind t0 it. hehe. well.. anything is p0ssible f0r every0ne if we put 0ur mind t0 it, right? :)

i've g0t w0rk t0 d0. i've t0 read all th0se research papers firah gave me. will have t0 write a rep0rt 0n it. but my head is p0unding. i think it must be my s0000-0rganized-but-lacking-in-the-sleep-department life lately. i think i'll just have a quick l00k at the papers, and sleep early t0nite. weekend is 0ver :)

eyyy... l00k! it's raining 0utside! :)

"Outside it's now raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end
I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But I do do feel that
I do do will miss you much
Miss you much..."

i never realized bef0re, h0w painfully hard it is; trying t0 be s0meb0dy we're n0t. trying t0 be s0meb0dy I AM N0T. pretending. d0 s0mething i'm n0t used t0, things d0n't feel right, fight the urge t0 make it right, and hear the little v0ice inside 0f me cry in pr0test. there isn't anything else. it's sad.

time f0r a new l00k! :D this is my 1st fully self-made skin. i'm pr0ud 0f it. i w0uld've added really but 0n sec0nd th0ught, i didnt. hehhs. c0z it's very simple, n0t all that fantastic 0r great. (silly me, i sh0uldn't even have th0ught 0f putting the w0rd fantastic, it's really, abs0lutely t00 far fr0m that! :p) anyway. i've been busy with tests and assignments all week l0ng, i didn't really have time t0 w0rk 0n this skin, but in between tasks, i managed t0 finish it. it t00k me umm... *kire2* 16 h0urs. i liked the 0ld skin better, but i g0t a g00d t00 many c0mments 0n its readability, etc s0 i decided t0 change it. i h0pe this d0esn't l00k t00 blue. hihi. well, there's a l0t 0f white. umm.. bef0re it slips 0ff my mind, i g0tta pay a tribute t0 <<yatie>>, my ever-there-f0r-me-t0-bully friend *peace yatie!;p* wh0's sn0ring beside me right this m0ment. thanks A L0T f0r helping me 0ut; y0ur c0mments, ideas (35% silly, 35% g00d, 111% stupid j0kes :p) and patience are immensely appreciated. g00d thing, really, that y0u t00, l0ve blue. quite a team huh?:p and yes, u've said it ab0ut a zilli0n times already; d0nt w0rry, see, i've put y0ur name here. and yes, i hereby declare that u did help me with this :p (n0w d0 i get the strawberry-flav0red tea 0r n0t?)

speaking 0f which, i sh0uld wake her up actually. she's n0t d0ne packing her stuff yet. in truth, she c0uld've d0ne it if i wasn't in her way; criticizing every single item she c0nsidered taking with her. well, at times she can be decisive, and there are times i can be, at which she can't. in the end, her things reduced t0 4 t-shirts and 2 sh0es, and my baby-blue bag; all thanks t0 my c0mments and/0r influence. hihi. i was editing my bl0g skin while she alternated packing with leafing thr0ugh mags and g00fing ar0und (n0t t0 menti0n the cl0wn-like pink plus purple eye shad0w ;p) and helping me with my bl0g. there, we helped each 0ther. simbi0ns, aren't we? she d0zed 0ff at 4.45am.

they'll be 0ff t0 camer0n highland this m0rning. i'll be all al0ne this weekend. i'm n0t g0ing despite their persuading me, said it'll be t00 b0ring. there's n0thing new ab0ut camer0n, is there? but i'd t0tally f0rg0tten what a weekend al0ne is like. it's different if it was by ch0ice. i'm in n0 m00d t0 be al0ne 0r t0 have a quiet weekend. i d0n't mind if it means an0ther sh0pping trip with yatie :p anything, really. buzz 0f life. i need that. plus, i've n0thing t0 d0. and i really mean NOTHING; n0 unfinished tut0rials, hw, assignments, 0r rep0rts. my statistics hw was d0ne by the end 0f the day i g0t the questi0ns. heat exchanger hw and the extra tut0rial questi0ns; i've finished them all yesterday. i'll be 0n a real l00se end this weekend. nvm. i'll find s0mething t0 d0.

0kay. i heard azan. a sleepless night. and a b0ring day is ahead 0f me. right. this is my res0luti0n f0r t0day. i musn't be b0red. i mustn't be b0red!

('_') <---- determined expressi0n

*sigh* b0red already.

"yatie bgnlaaaa.. *kacau kacau*.." ;p

m0rning every0ne! :)

.ta ya and yatie.

i l0ve this pic 0f 0urs. lying 0n the green, green grass. staring up at the blue, blue sky (and the c0tt0n-candy cl0uds). carefree! :) *plus squinting at the sun; it was s0 h0t! ;p*

i w0ke up early this m0rn despite the fact that i slept 0nly 3 hrs last nite. i'd wanted t0 d0 0ne thing i havent d0ne f0r s000 l0ng; j0gging. hehe. used t0 j0g early in the m0rn bef0re, esp 0n weekends. but i didnt j0g this m0rning. did the laundry, studied f0r my test this friday. *see, see ;) * g0t 2 classes, 9-11am. ehehh. at the end 0f the stat class, the lecturer called 0ut my name, said she wanted t0 see me after class. i was like, "0-0kay." s0 i said t0 yatie "wish me luck!" huhu. i didnt kn0w what was that f0r. n0t that the lecturer was g0ing t0 give me a series 0f rapid-fire questi0ns and i had t0 answer them all very quickly and she'd give me 50 marks as a b0nus :p anyway. s0 i went t0 see her after class.

0kay, it's been s000 l0ng since the last time a teacher asked t0 see me. s0, naturally, i put 0n a stern face. huhu. and prepared t0 give her that defiant, s0-i'm-a-bad-kid-s0-what? l00k which i haven't practised since i left sch00l. hihi. i kinda f0rg0t that i really had t0 l00k very defensive and n0nchalant at the same time. but instead 0f the evil l00k teachers always seem t0 have; which i was expecting, my lecturer smiled very sweetly, and ushered me int0 her r00m. i l00ked at her hesitantly; n0nplussed. she asked me t0 sit d0wn and instead 0f f0lding my arms and declining her 0ffer, i pulled the chair and sat t0 face her. and... i smiled!!;) th0ugh, 0f c0urse, it was an awkward smile, still n0t letting d0wn my guard. then, she started asking me all s0rts 0f questi0ns, regarding my recent results. like i always did, i t0ld her h0nestly, i didnt g0 t0 M0ST 0f the lectures and tut0rial classes, and didnt d0 my hw, didnt even study f0r the test. she asked me if i had any pr0blems; i t0ld her n0! at least, n0ne that i was g0ing t0 discuss with her la kan, despite her c0axing me very gently. she even hinted that i sh0uld feel free t0 tell her anything at all, esp pers0nal pr0blems. i laughed p0litely (0r at least, i h0ped it was p0lite hihi) and sh00k my head vig0r0usly. "n0, n0thing. i've n0 pr0blems at all. it's just my attitudes. i kn0w i've t0 d0 s0mething abt it, and i will, but apart fr0m that, there's n0thing t0 discuss abt." she c0ntinued saying that she was c0ncerned and all, u kn0w, the c0rny stuff teachers always give t0 their pr0blematic students (n0t that i was 0ne, n0 :p). then, she asked abt my previ0us semesters' results, my cgpa. i t0ld her. and she l00ked c0nfused esp when i said i did get dean's lists, and i never g0t any Cs. 0kay, actually that was a bit 0f a lie, i did get C+ 0nce f0r my Heat Transfer and Engineering Ec0n0my, but every0ne kn0ws Ec0n sucks right? :p anyways. s0, she t0ld me that i've g0t g00d results, and that basically she didnt think i sh0uld have any pr0blems with statistics, and IF i had any pr0blems, i sh0uld w0rk extra hard, s0 that i w0uldnt sp0il my 0verall results just because 0f this 0ne c0urse. i n0dded abt a hundred times, and thanked her an0ther hundred times, and left.

haha. mcm zaman sek0lah plak :) this aftern00n, i studied f0r my 0pti0n test. this evening, i went lepak-ing with maizatul and anna, and played cards until 10.30pm. then, i went lepak-ing at yatie's r00m. and i'm g0nna sleep straightaway after this. statistics? what ab0ut statistics? :)

.jumble 0f th0ughts.

i'm grumpy t0day. c0uldnt sleep last nite; even the tiniest bit 0f s0und managed t0 disturb my fitful sleep. i lay in bed, restless. i ended up sms-ing with a friend; discussing s0ngs, etc, n he t0ld me he wanted t0 be in penang s0 that he'd be cl0se t0 her grandm0ther t0 take care 0f her. he'd l0st his grandfather 0nly last yr (if i'm n0t mistaken) and his grandma isnt really well and all.. i finally drifted t0 sleep at 5 am. i w0ke up n saw everything in grey. the cl0uds. the sky. a grey m0rning. gl00my. n there was a msg 0n my hp. my friend was 0n his way t0 penang, his dear grandma has just passed away early this m0rn. everyb0dy always l0ses everyb0dy they l0ve. it was 0nly last night. 0nly last night. h0w c0uld things change 0vernight? changes. big 0nes. fear. it c0uld've happened t0 me. it c0uld've been me 0n my way h0me, n0t him. me. gl00my gl00my day. it's 3:25 pm, and it's been grey all day. i'm al0ne. i have t0 study f0r my test t0m0rr0w m0rning. test. i've g0t the test t0 think ab0ut. but that's n0t the 0nly thing 0n my mind. n0, it's n0t. i d0 a l0t 0f extra thinking t0day. despite the fact that i have t0 study. life's m0re than just a test. a test is n0t all there is t0 life. n0t all there is t0 MY life. there are m0re crucial things. but i still have t0 study . there's still the test. life is real. LIFE IS REAL. that's a slap acr0ss the face! reality. treat everyday as if it was y0ur last day, d0 everything y0u need t0 d0. what if it was y0ur last day? and y0u didnt d0 what y0u needed t0 d0. y0u'd be leaving regrets behind. regret. life's full 0f regrets. w0rthless life. meaningless life. "..i'm ashamed 0f my life because it's empty.." what if it was y0ur l0ved 0nes' last day? y0ur friend's? it c0uld've happened. things happen all the time. they are real. have t0 study. study. l0ve them while they're still ar0und. cherish them while y0u still have the time. "..i d0nt' kn0w h0w t0 let any0ne else in.." we never kn0w. we'll never kn0w. tragedy. sad. wasting time.

innalillah.. al-fatihah...

"trying t0 f0rget s0me0ne y0u've kn0wn l0ng, 0r s0me0ne y0u've kn0wn all y0ur life is like trying t0 remember s0me0ne y0u never knew. y0u kn0w, y0u can't f0rgive y0urself; y0u need the guilt. it's what keeps y0u g0ing..."
he said this t0 me last nite. i've figured 0ut half the meaning. haven't quite underst00d the wh0le thing. need t0 think. have t0 study. life g0es 0n...

"... 0n that m0rning.. when this life is 0ver.. i kn0w.. i'll see y0ur face.."

.gl00my.

THERE ISN'T ANYTHING ELSE..

n0b0dy's safe, and n0b0dy's free. there's 0nly s0mewhere between safe and free, and what pe0ple are. the 0nly thing that we can ever be is just human, and that ends up breaking 0ur hearts. we all try s0 hard t0 be str0ng, 0r free, 0r safe, 0r whatever it is we think we need m0st.. and in the end all we can ever be is just US. and it's en0ugh because it has t0 be. THERE ISN'T ANYTHING ELSE. and this is what we d0. we try t0 give what little we have t0 s0meb0dy wh0 hasn't g0t it, and maybe they try t0 give us back what they have that we haven't g0t. that's what l0ve is. and what we l0ve, we l0ve all the harder. because s0meday it'll be g0ne. it means that everyb0dy always l0ses everyb0dy/thing they l0ve, but they need t0 l0ve them anyway, because THERE ISN'T ANYTHING ELSE...

:: the end ::

thanx t0 adeeb, this s0ng (1) has been stuck in my head lately. and thanx t0 adek2 kesygn-ku ;p i've been humming this s0ng (2) n0n-st0p since these last few days.

(1) TEMAN TAPI MESRA- RATU (way c00l!:p)
(2) SEMUA TENTANG KITA- PETER PAN :)

Teman Tp Mesra- best! hihi. 1st time dgr cam biase jer. 2nd time dgr, i fell alm0st instantly in 'like' with the s0ng. luckily, my little br0s like the s0ng t00, which is a HUGE relief t0 me. haha. we were lepak-ing in my r00m when the s0ng p0pped up, and they said "haa lagu ni c00l gak.." and turned up the v0lume. pheww... lega ;) and n0w i even have the mp3 in my hp (they transfered it with0ut my asking, tq ler yek:p) i just remembered, they liked Cinta B0neka t00. huhu. aii same citarase erk k0rg ni :p huhu. saye terpengaruh! it may seem weird, but it actually matters quite a l0t t0 me whether my little br0s like the s0ngs i like 0r n0t. well. it's n0thing, really. it's n0t like i had t0 have their appr0val bef0re liking a s0ng. it's a matter 0f umm.. h0w d0 i put this.. pride? s0unds ab0ut right. eheh. nah, n0t exactly pride. the m0st l0gical explanati0n is.. umm.. well. haha. i w0n't b0ther explaining. it's simply because i d0nt want them t0 tease me!!! :p hihi. like that time when i had CERITA ASMARA (thanx t0 adeeb juge!!:p) in my playlist, they had quite a time making fun 0f me. cess! bengang betul. i remember saying this ab0ut a zilli0n times t0 them "weyy member 0rg kasik ar, 'bkn dgr pun'!" defensively, plus dismissively. huhu. and they gave me that 'yeah-right!' l00k. tensen! 'BKN DENGAR PUN...' he he he *grins* if 0nly they knew i remembered the lyrics by heart! (then, 0kay, T H E N!! plus i kind 0f 'had' t0). hahaha. i guess it d0esnt really fit their mental images 0f me. huhu. that's it.

aku punya teman

teman sepermainan

kemana ada dia selalu ada aku
dia amat manis juga baik hati

dia selalu ada waktu untuk membantuku
namun aku bingung

ketika dia bilang cinta

dan dia juga katakan tuk ingin jadi kekasihku

reff: cukuplah saja berteman denganku

janganlah kau meminta lebih

ku tak mungkin mencintaimu

kita berteman saja

teman tapi mesra
aku memang suka pada dirimu

namun aku ada yg punya

lebih baik kita berteman

kita berteman saja

teman tapi mesra

Semua Tentang Kita- i l0ve the music :) check 0ut the vide0 clip! hehe. *aiyark sejak bile aku ske lagu2 sl0w ni.. this d0esnt fit MY mental image 0f me huhu* 0h yek, the music resembles this 0ther s0ng in Mete0r Garden, but just a tiny bit.

waktu terasa semakin berlalu

tinggalkan cerita tentang kita

akan tiada lagi kini tawamu

tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati
ada cerita tentang aku dan dia

dan kita bersama saat dulukala

ada cerita tentang masa yang indah

saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa
teringat di saat kita tertawa bersama

ceritakan semua tentang kita
ada cerita tentang aku dan dia

dan kita bersama saat dulukala

ada cerita tentang masa yang indah

saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

0h yeah, lame x dgr my fav s0ng 3 yrs lps; Penny Dai's "ni ya0 de ai". ske giler! :) and kalau ske lagu ni tp x ske lagu "qing fei de yi"- harlem yu mcm pelik ar kan. heh. klaka, i've liked these s0ngs l0ng bef0re they made the malay versi0n 0f 'qing fei de yi' (yes, saiful 0r s0mething). and sampai skang i d0nt kn0w the lyrics in malay, s0 kalau dgr yg saiful nyanyi tu i'd sing al0ng tp in mandarin. huhu. plus lagi best pun, 0ri nyer :p

i talked t0 yatie this aftern00n. she went sh0pping (yet again??!!) and b0ught an0ther pair 0f high-heels!! can y0u believe that girl?!! and c0uldnt wait t0 sh0w it 0ff t0 me. heh. and when i teased her, she said the 0nes she b0ught 0n the 12-hr sh0pping trip (which nearly paralyzed the l0wer half 0f my b0dy :p) were f0r her 'HARI BER-TUNANG'(!!) why, i certainly can't wait t0 see u get engaged yatie!:p *y0u c0uld've invented a m0re believable excuse, n0t that i cared :p*

talked t0 my 0ld friends; 0ja, Iman, Leen. Tried t0 call amy but she was 0ut. leen c0uldnt rec0gnize my v0ice, said my v0ice s0unded very different; macam budak2(??!!) huhu. h0w very pleasant :p

denn called but i 'didnt hear' the ph0ne ring. hihi. i was reading 'needful things' when adeeb called. hihihi. klaka ler. the first thing he asked... ;D i th0ught it was strange. thing is, i'd t0tally f0rg0tten the last time we talked 2 days ag0 i... well.. erm.. kind 0f.. umm.. missed.. erm.. let's say i was supp0sed t0 d0 s0mething but, umm.. haha. better late than never huh? ;p i tried t0 call denn twice but c0uldnt get thr0ugh. finally she called me. and we talked abt, umm.. things.(when was the last time we talked abt these things? um.. last yr?) it was g00d. she's 0ne 0f th0se wh0 have been *and never st0pped* trying t0 change my opini0n 0n the wh0le L thing. hehe. and i'm being ever s0 stubb0rn *i kn0w denn, i'm s0rry* but she d0esn't give up.

we argued 0ver the same things; 'l0ve, hurt, independent, SELF-DENIAL(?!) etc' and denn, y0u sh0uld listen t0 y0urself, y0u s0unded like a debater in piala perdana menteri time sk0la2 dulu hakhak :D kelaka. but she was silenced f0r a bit when i struck her with "i learned** it the hard way; the hardest way, denn. 0ther ppl can say anything but they d0nt feel what i feel, they d0nt g0 thr0ugh what i did. ever since 'then' i'd st0pped believing in it.. y0u kn0w" and when she started talking again, she c0nceded. she said i was right. i kn0w y0u understand it; y0u, 0f m0st ppl, sh0uld d0. that's why y0u agreed. because y0u kn0w. thanx! i kn0w y0u (and 0ther ppl) mean well, i appreciate it, but i'm still in grief. i'm n0t dwelling 0n the past; it's t0tally different. i've m0ved 0n, i've g0tten 0ver it, but i've als0 changed because 0f it. pe0ple d0; when a tragedy happens. they can't help it. they say time heals. i d0nt believe in that, t00.
** learn wut? heh. THE EN0RM0US C0ST 0F L0VING :p

heh. cut it 0ut! all these stupid t0uchy-feely things. yuckssss :p

umm.. adeeb called, and denn did t00. where's muttpea? muttpea! muttpea! y0u're still alive, aren't u? :p i haven't heard fr0m him in ages. tried t0 call and sms him last week and weirdly en0ugh, all my smses weren't delivered. kata ar k0 tuka n0 tak beritahu aku! mmg nak kena smackd0wn! :p nway muttpea, y0u're n0t that imp0rtant in my life. i just menti0ned y0u here 0ut 0f ... umm.. 0ut 0f.. *quick quick, a w0rd pls* b0red0m. yes. that must be it :p *but i still w0n't let y0u dr0wn larr if 0ur sampan is g0ing t0 sink and i can 0nly ch00se 0ne pers0n t0 be in the safe b0at with me; that is, if and 0nly if (aww.. statistics?! i hate stat!) the 0ther pers0n wasn't KEANU REEVES la kan hakhak peace!!\(^_^)/*

call me laaaaaaaaa!!! :p :p :p

wait a sec.. gawd.. IF i really were t0 c0me acr0ss such a situati0n kan, pls ar pls pls pls :( let the safe b0at be a wee bit bigger s0 that i c0uld ch00se 2 pe0ple, pls.. that'd be g00d en0ugh. i mean, n0.. 3! umm.. 0kay2. h0nestly. it's a t0ugh decisi0n, isn't it? i mean.. let's be seri0us. t0 ch00se the pers0n t0 be in the b0at with u, it's like t0 decide wh0se life y0u're g0ing t0 terminate, wh0a.. a matter 0f life and death. g0d, pls send me a MUCH bigger b0at; a yacht, if p0ssible, and let me ch00se at least 18 ppl! hihi. i d0nt want any0ne t0 h0ld grudge against me, i w0uldnt be able t0 live peacefully nanti.. huhu. i'm making perfect sense here kan kan? ;p

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you...

liga celc0m 2005/2006.

finals. upm vs uitm shah alam.

klaka2. 0ur 1st g0al sgt-lah 'hensem'; g0al yg di-sumbang-kan sendiri 0leh player uitm. kuikuikui. aper da.. b0la dah selamat dah, skali punye lah hebat die gi tendang masuk. aper yg engkau cuba bukti-kan??? agak b0d0 ar. hihi, s0rry.

hurm.. upm kalah 1-2.

da lame tak tgk b0la kat stadium, besh giler! eheh.. stadium uitm jer pun. but still.